how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
