Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
