yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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