Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
