Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
