pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
