I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
