i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
