Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
