Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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