So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
