She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
