my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
