her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
