I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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