I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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