If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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