I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
People in love make me want to vomit
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
