oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
