the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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