Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
