i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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