I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
