Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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