Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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