dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
