How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just saw a hot homeless man
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
