it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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