shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
