Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
