anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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