She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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