so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Your cock deserves a montage
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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