Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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