where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
