In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
