I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I AM VODKA MAN
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
