I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
