her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
