Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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