Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
