id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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