I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
