so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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