I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
