I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
