apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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