this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
