What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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