yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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